But maybe that is why I need to sing, to be reoriented again and again into the truths of God’s holiness, love and, well His realness.

Although I believe this to be a true statement, I am focusing on the heart of this one worshiper. Me. I have had enough sparkely moments on stage where everything fell into place musically, vocally and visually; where the people in the room were enveloped, swept away, engulfed by the wave of emotions, power and intensity that live music and/or the Holy Spirit brings. These have all been good things, and I hope they don’t end too quickly in my life. But what keeps me from performance to performance?

What renews me in the dark or mundane moments of my daily routine? That is why I am focusing on what it means to have the songs live in me. I need sustaining life when I am weary and lost, when I’m anxious and alone, when life is so much the same, day after day. I think it is interesting that Paul, a new testament teacher and writer, tells the Colossian church to, “Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.” (Colossians3:16)

The Word of Christ, needing to be embedded in me, deeply and richly. This is what is to fill the moments in between performances (or worship setting).

This is the real call of the worshiper. Faithfulness to God. I don’t need a stage or an instrument to do this. So much of my prep work lies in vocal exercises, planning or execution. How much of my intention is given to letting the Word of Christ dwell in me richly? Do I live daily like the Word of Christ is dwelling in me?

An embedded worshiper. I in Him and He in me, perhaps this should be the real goal of my leadership in the art of musical worship?

I sing about loving God, following Him, honoring Him, respecting Him, needing Him, praising only Him….and on and on.  When I look at my life, is it consistent with the truths and virtues of which I sing?

As I look at the “Church” , my family, my friends etc. I am convicted by this question.  If asked, would they say my life looked the same as the lyrics of these songs?  If ever there was a time in my life, it’s now that I want to know that I’m living for something.  I’m so tired of empty words and false hopes.  I don’t want my life to be empty like the bottom of so many coffee cups left behind after church.

How do I really “live” in the truths I sing about?  How do they live in me?  Is it obvious to others?  Is it powerful and does it impact my own life and love of God?  Does it impact the people I share lifes moments with?

I’m going to examine this in the next few weeks.  I’ll post what I learn.

Until then.

This is a group that takes an organic approach to planning.  They are open to anyone bringing suggestions and working together.  I liked that.

He told me what he had planned and I worked from there.  As I prayed and played in my prep time my mind kept going back to what I had been studying in Exodus.  Moses, in the midst of frustration, confusion and uncertainty, was relentless in expressing his desire to see God.  To know that he was completely in God’s favor and presence.

God was so good to him.  He allowed Moses the certainty of His care and covering for him by allowing him  to experience His glory.  It was exactly what Mo needed.

Back to my worship prep….so I chose some songs that prompted people to ask God to be their vision.  “Open the eyes of my heart”  and “Be Thou My Vision”.

What struck me as I rehearsed with the band and singers was how God had woven the songs the worship leader had already chosen.  They centered on the glory of God and how  being in His presence is second to none.  There was this emerging theme that our time of singing and praying was about how wonderful God is.  How good it is to be with Him.  How much we long for the awareness and knowledge of God … being in His presence … seeing God …. recognizing His fingerprints in the context of our day and being reminded that He indeed is near and that our respect for Him and our obedience to His ways keeps us near Him.

Then the pastor spoke.  He so wonderfully shared with us some amazing factors regarding Jesus.  He heals the whole person, desires the glory for His work and is so aware of exactly what we need.  There needs to be no fear when facing any hardship if we are near Jesus.

I couldn’t help but be impressed by the fact that God obviously had it on His heart to run this “theme” through the morning service.  He wants us to want Him.  He wants to show Himself to us and for us to experience how intimatley He desires to meet our real needs.

God pulled all of that together today.

As a worship leader I highly value different experiences in a variety of settings.  I think it is so important to get outside the 4 walls you spend most of your time in and minister somewhere else.  We may all do things differently, but God is the same.  In changing our venues occasionally, we open ourselves to become reaqauinted with the movement of the Holy Spirit.

This is humbling and powerful.  It reminds me that it’s not about me.  I didn’t calculate the environment.

I recommend, if you are a worship leader, instrumentalist or singer, getting out and sharing your gifts somewhere else to be refreshed and reminded that we serve One God in a variety of creative ways.  He never ceases to surprise me with His nearness.

What is this for?

What do I hope will arise from this experience?

I have partial answers to these questions but what intrigues me more is the question that has emerged from answers….why does the “Church” need song writers and vocal artists to sing the songs?

I study the Psalms a lot.  It’s no wonder that I find my poetic self there often.  They are poetic in nature.  So many Psalms reflect the soul of one who goes from one extreme to another, extreme jubilation to deep sorrow, and righteous valor to humble brokenness.

Which one of us doesn’t fit on anyone of these spectrums?

They give permission for us to be human.  They allow us the opportunity to move from being solely cognitive to a soulful being.

The place where emotional and spiritual waters mix.

Jesus told us that “God is Spirit” and that we need to worship Him in “spirit and truth” (John 4:24f).  Clearly He knows more than we do about ourselves.  He knows that we are not only grey matter with bone and skin.  We have emotions, impressions, dreams, ideas, wounded-ness, flaws and insecurities that drive, mold, impact, impede, corrupt, correct and coheres our actions, thoughts and behaviors. We are more than flesh. The way to these irrefutable parts of our existence is through the spirit.

It makes sense to me that God would want to utilize vocal artists and songwriters to help move people spiritually to that afore mentioned place where emotional and spiritual waters mix.

Not just to stir the water….but to cleanse it.

We need singers to sing the songs the writers write to help lead us to the place where God’s Spirit mingles with our own and we soak in the presence of Almighty God.

There He penetrates us powerfully and yet so subtly so that we can become holy.

Holiness is the most extravagant and gracious gift God affords us because it brings us to Him.

So let the music play.  Let the Church realize the gift music brings to her.

For it indeed is an invitation from God Himself.

What struck me was their expectation to worship.  They didn’t determine what they would do based on the amount of people that would actually show up.  Nor did they play down their call to God  because people would be tired.

No.  Instead they helped me remember that we are always in God’s presence and that He deserves our worship no matter what is going on with me simply because He is holy.

By doing their job, they brought God to me (if that is possible).  I was reminded of who He is and in turn I expressed my love to Him through excercising my voice.  It was that simple.

I want to thank that team for their work.  For showing  up when everyone else is still on “holiday”.  For being determined to praise God because He is worthy all the time.

No fan fare.

Nothing flashy.

Nada.

Yet, he captivates thousands of people at a time.

I can’t help but wonder why?  Better yet, how?

When I’m in front of a crowd of people singing, I struggle to get someone to give me eye contact or smile back at me.  I often leave a stage feeling isolated and alone. 

There is a magic to some peoples presence.  They can transform thousands of people in a single song.

Why doesn’t this happen in a gathering of believers in Christ? 

For me, Christ is the center of the music I do in ministry.  I realize He is not as easily seen as Sting but He is far more inticing.  What are we missing?  Are we missing something?

I don’t  know.  I just know people don’t sing in unity and passion when I lead music like they did for Sting.

The thing that impresses me is his voice.  He is 50 something and he sounds as good as ever.  I can hear the stories in his songs because his voice is clear, distinct and mainly doesn’t get in the way. It’s obvious the man is vocally conditioned to be able to sing like he does.  He has taken the time, made the investment and it pays off.

I love to sing.  I believe I have an ok voice.  I have stories to tell also.

The voice of a story teller is vital to achieving success.  DoI take the time?  Do I make the investment in my “instrument”?  Honestly, no.  I assume it will be there when I want it to be.

Sting is making me rethink my appoach.  Lasting gifts have to be given attention and intent. 

Attention and intent require belief.  Belief in my gift.  Belief in myself.  Belief in the idea that God didn’t make a mistake in giving me an ability and desire to sing.

The time  I invest in the voice of my stories is an excercise of faith.

It was wonderful.

I began my musical journey.  It was not very far into the music when I was overwhelmed by the choir that had assembled before me.  They joined us in singing with an enthusiastic fever.  They came not only to listen but to sing, to participate and to engage.

It was beautiful.

Their voices filled the small room from window to window and it took my breath away.  In a moment I rediscovered the power of a host of voices all affirming and longing for the same things.  I had to admit that although I was “leading” this time of singing….it had nothing to do with me.

It was powerful.

I think we all need to sing more often together.

Historically…ok in my history….music seemed to play an educationally reinforcing role in the church. It affirmed the message and/or the doctrine of the particular church I happened to be attending. As I grew up I began to notice that the music moved from this platform to one of an interactive time between believers and God.

Both are good in my estimation.

More and more as I grow as a worship leader I keep finding that a question keeps forming in my mind.

“What am I experiencing during our time of community worship and what impact is it having on my life?”

Am I becoming more devoted in my attempts to follow Jesus? Do I tap my toes because the music is fun? Does it convict me and challenge me? Do I enjoy the energy in the room as everyone sings in one voice? Do I fall in love with God more and more? Do I really sing to God? Does God meet with me in the quiet chambers of my heart. Is this the purpose of it all?

Honestly, I’d have to answer yes and no to all of the above.

I’m not so sure “what” we are supposed to be experiencing but I think the point is to be experiencing! Singing is not a passive act.

As a worship leader one of my passions is to enhance a believer’s ( or one investigating Christ) spiritual life. To give them a method and language that God can use for His purposes in their lives is important to me. Discipleship involves helping people move from what life without Christ is like and into what life with Christ is like. Worship leading makes investments in discipling others that is why experiencing God…in whatever way He desires, is crucial. ( I say that not always knowing or understanding what way God desires for us to know Him, but scripture is clear that if we draw near to Him, He will be found.)

Bigger church gatherings have more constraints on them when it comes to worship singing and prayer. There are more logistics that determine the length and breadth of the time spent singing or praying. Irregardless, the question is am I experiencing something that moves me to God? To me the most crucial part of planning for a large gathering is prayer. We can talk and plan all we want but if someone’s heart doesn’t want to seek God in worship, well…it’s not going to happen. Has this time set aside for worship been birthed in prayer? Do we pray first, plan second?

Smaller churches have the opportunity to be more, to sound current, “organic”. They are free to gather informally for rehearsal and see what God leads them to. In that same fashion they enter into the worship stage of the service and they are free to respond to what needs arise in their midst. Yet, the question is still the same, am I experiencing something that moves me to God? Sometimes the stage of a smaller venue can lead worship experiences to evolve into a concert of sorts because it is so much fun as musicians to plan unscripted. The focus can easily shift from God to us.

So this lingering thought for me is prayer.

Am I committed as a worship leader to pray for the moments I lead? Am I willing to step out of the way and ask God to reveal Himself in the way that He sees necessary? Do I desire to do whatever it takes to surrender my giftedness to God because I whole heartedly believe His plans are so much better than mine? Do I see corporate worship a tool of discipleship, no matter the size or constraints of the particular size of the group I happen to be serving?

I know this all sounds very basic and not in the least bit newly profound.

I guess this is simply a heart check for my leadership and a charge to continue the dialog about meaningful experiences in our moments of worshipful singing and prayer.

But that isn’t what I’m struggling with. It’s this overwhelming sense that I simply must create. All of my sensors are exposed and on overload. So many experiences, colors, words and events speak to me and I find deeper life truths that must be explored lyrically and musically.

But I can’t. Every time I sit down to ‘explore’, melodies and streams of thought seem to evaporate into thin air. It’s like I’m being haunted by the Ghost of Music Future but I can’t seem to make him materialize.

This is so frustrating.

It leaves me questioning everything. What is blocking me? Do I have too much going on or not enough?

Music is creativity. Creativity is fueled by believing.

Is there something more to wrestle with other than the fact that I’m having writers block even though the desire to create is immensely strong.

What is it I don’t believe?

Perhaps the urge to write and create from the experiences that are inspiring me is more of a call to explore. My own lack of faith is being summoned to the surface and placed on the table. Is song writing the vehicle to bring this forward?

I’m beginning to wonder if song writing is more of a spiritual discipline than it is a craft.

In the Psalms David writes, “Sing a new song”. New songs require new insight, new experiences, new words and thoughts…new findings from my exploration of life, God and me.

Melodies and words beckon me today and I’m struggling to make sense of it.